OP ED: I Wrote an Eggplant Article and Now I Only Have 3 Days Left to Live Before a Convoluted Curse that is Somehow Related to a Trauma in My Life Kills Me.

A couple weeks ago marked the 1 year anniversary that I have been writing at the Eggplant. I was pretty happy with myself and wanted to celebrate by repitching an article that I have been wanting to do for a while. I wrote about a local piece of shit who will never change. I thought it could be funny. Ever since writing it though, things have been strange. 

My future articles have not been getting a lot of views, the basement that is in my apartment has been giving off like a strange green glow, and britta won’t refill itself! I was walking home the other day and encountered some old man who kind of reminds me of this dude I hit on the highway a couple of years ago. When I drive, I always use my phone. I’m really good at it. But this time I was a little sloppy and just totally obliterated this dude. Like my car was just covered in a crazy red mist. So the fact he was walking around all normal looking was kind of crazy.

Anyways, the old man was kind of screaming about how I only have three days left. With all these spooky encounters, I can only conclude that it is somehow due to the Eggplant article that these events have been taking place. It is clear to me that by writing about a piece of shit who will not change, it has triggered an ancient evil that has come to claim my soul.