Guitar Left Unusable After Major Fender Bender

A young boy’s dreams of rock ’ n ’ roll and the persistent drug problems that follow were dashed last night after his guitar was rendered unusable after suffering a major Fender bender. The incident happened during a local battle of the bands when the instrument’s owner, far too excited on stage, found himself tangled in audio cables and, before he knew it, on the floor. The headstock collided with the body of the guitar, snapping strings and breaking hearts.

The owner declined to comment at this time, but sources close to him say he spent the rest of the evening plugging in and unplugging the guitar repeatedly, hoping that the problem would somehow fix itself. Once he had given up, the guitar was left sadly resting in the corner of his bedroom, where experts say it will remain until he’s emotionally ready to deal with it.