John E. Dailey Promises To Propose City Ordinance Banning Garlic And Sharp Wooden Objects For All Tallahassee Residents

TALLAHASSEE, FL – “Vee Vill rid this city of the evil of g-garlic…and all other abhorrent things,” Dailey told reporters in a midnight press conference. The City-Council is set to vote on this ordinance today, with the hopes it would take effect this Saturday, if passed. 

The press conference was cut short at 1:23 am when the mayor, irritated by the camera flashes, hastily left. The building was later evacuated due to a bat infestation.