Unseasonal humidity and artificially-scented vape smoke are not the only things in the air on FSU’s campus this week.
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Fear the changing room no longer my lumpy brethren! H&M is spearheading the movement toward total body positivity. That’s right, the fashion chain has rolled out their newest publicity stunt and it is filled with the ultimate fit for all those medium sized mamas who found a cute top to be just a squish too tight or a touch too big.
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In a world where Dolly Parton can have as many pop features as Quavo and Reba McEntire can convincingly dress up as Colonel Sanders’ creepy animatronic twin, it is easy to understand why more and more Americans are tyin’ up their chaps and fervently denying their white privilege as a way to embrace the good ol’ country lifestyle.
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The cuckoo clock of human ineptitude has recently determined that the world is roughly two minutes away from global catastrophe, leaving the general public to make as many Iron Maiden jokes as possible before The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists come out of their bunkers to knock our teeth out over the next glib Facebook post.
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Movie lovers across the nation are taking pompous Rotten Tomatoes critiques way too seriously and coughing up $12.78 for momentary relief from their terrible lives.
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There are only so many times in the course of history when a person with world-changing wisdom and the eloquence to spread it graces us mere mortals with their presence. Recently, one small community has found itself at the epicenter of a modern Enlightenment.
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After sweet and nice friend Angela got a new ombré done this weekend, she put on her only scarf and went into the selfie lab: a dirty old mirror on her floor that she found on the street and hasn’t had time to hang up. Angela was hitting all the angles. Angela was looking good in that environmentally conscious LED ceiling fan light. She needed this.
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Everyone has met up with that One Promising Tinder Match™ for coffee at some point in their collegiate lives, and boy oh boy did your barista know about it.
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With a good mix of both scared freshman and second semester seniors waiting it out until graduation, it is reported that the MTV 1000 film basics class is still profoundly moved by their professor’s syllabus week sermon.
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As the days continue to somehow keep getting colder, there is nothing that chills more than the combination of fear and fury brought on by the sudden realization that the old edition of a required textbook just won’t cut it.
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As the Tallahassee weather begins to drop back into chilly bone territory with a chance of seasonal depression, frantic FSU students have been stuffing dollar bills into their thermostats because they don’t know any other way to turn up the heat.
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Over the past month, statisticians have been puzzled by the sharp increase in subscribers to Moviepass, the service that has all of the film school students even hornier than “The Shape of Water.”
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With the buzz of the holidays wearing off and families dispersing to their respective towns, the backbone of every family is left behind to dust off the jars of seven year-old peppermints in the guest bathrooms. Grandparents across the nation are now reminiscing on the forced laughter and gifts shared during holiday festivities.
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A tale as old as time: you’ve spent hours putting in work to complete the study guide for your final, making flashcards and using the pack of highlighters your aunt bought you when you left for college.
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With winter break well on it’s way, faculty and students can find mutual grief in the mere thought of driving hundreds of miles to be met by the mediocrity of highway patrol officers, who somehow only manifest when you think you’ll be on time for your little cousin’s sousaphone recital for once.
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It’s beginning to look a lot like The Holiday of Your Choice in Tallahassee, Florida. All the signs are there: ugly sweater party Facebook events are piling up, special snowflakes are complaining about Starbucks’ attack on Christmas and your token out of state friend won’t stop mansplaining how the weather works up north.
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Happy flu season! While some students only end up with the sniffles despite marinating on a campus full of bed bugs and library chairs from the 50s, several others end up with a new strain of some painful and FSU-branded mutant virus.
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Inspired by her previous semester abroad and her need to unintentionally touch fingertips with her closest friends while reaching for food, Cassidy Tader decided to spend her waltz hitting Tallahassee’s hottest tapas bars, starting at Taco Bell.
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Fear struck the hearts of, maybe, two dozen people last Thursday when the passengers of Bilver Bairways flight BV128 realized that their commute from Tallahassee to Ft. Lauderdale would be facilitated by propeller plane. While the pilot remained confident in his ability to pioneer the journey, the flight attendant aboard the small aircraft, Angela Cornfee, was clearly uneasy.
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After the release of Apple’s latest overpriced but still-worth-it-because-it’s-not-an-Android installment of the iPhone, brand loyal users everywhere are going nuts over features that scare everyone who believes in the A.I. Revolution.
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