Slutty Little Banana Just Begging To Be Peeled

According to inside sources, a foxy little fruit in the produce aisle was “just begging to be peeled” when approached by shoppers on Tuesday. Its golden skin, tinged with that scandalous green veneer, was all but giving it up for the pedestrians of Aldi amidst its decidedly less-sultry companions.

“Good God, look at the exocarp on that honey,” muttered Thomas Becker, salivating wildly and wiping at his rapidly perspiring forehead. “Ripe. Sweet. Giving me a look that says, ‘Ravage me right here like we were in a Kroger.’ My wife would kill me if she saw me staring like this.” He attempted to calm himself down by doing deep breathing exercises and plunging his head into the cool waters of the cabbage misters.