Op-Ed: I’ve Discovered This Really Niche Band and Don’t Know How to Tell My Son that I Hate.

I fucking hate my son. He always tries to belittle me. Acts like he’s better than me. Jason, my bitch ass son, who I don’t like, has always prided himself on his apparently eclectic music taste. Fucking bitch. He will always ask if I have listened to some bullshit band like The Handmaiden’s Left Nut on a Large Ocean Wave Crashing into the Somalian Government. I have not listened to that band because my favorite Sirius XM station hasn’t played it yet, but now I have the upper hand.

I have recently discovered awesome new music. On my drive to the office the other day the radio put on this crazy little guy named Cameron Winter and his band Geese. My humble and unknowing eyes were opened. It felt like Ra the sun god himself was whispering sweet nothings into my ear. When I got back home from work, I snuck into my son's room while he was still at JV Lacrosse practice and looked through all his music. No Geese. No Cameron Winter. I won. I have out-niched my bitch ass son. 

I think he is starting to tell. I can’t hold this facade for long. If he discovers this band, my whole operation could come crashing down. So that’s why I am writing to the ladies of Reddit. What should I do?