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So You Don’t Watch Euphoria, Here’s What You Need To Know
So You Don’t Watch Euphoria, Here’s What You Need To Know

In today’s society, being a person who has not yet watched Euphoria is as ugly as someone going to Starbucks during the boycott.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 7, 2022
Boyfriend Who Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boy Friend Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boyfriend But Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Or Boyfriend But He Is
Boyfriend Who Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boy Friend Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boyfriend But Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Or Boyfriend But He Is

With the smell of love and Health and Wellness Center appointments in the air, many feel they’ll find their other half in the city of romance (Tallahassee, Florida).

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 3, 2022
Communism Strikes Again: M&M’s De-sexualized
Communism Strikes Again: M&M’s De-sexualized

It’s no secret: Communism has slowly taken over America.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 1, 2022
BROCKHAMPTON Breakup Brings War Flashbacks of Your Parents Divorce
BROCKHAMPTON Breakup Brings War Flashbacks of Your Parents Divorce

If you didn’t hear the male-manipulator screams around campus or get the all-call for an emergency LGBT+ staff meeting, then we hate to be the ones to break the news, but BROCKHAMPTON has broken up.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 24, 2022
Good For Her: Woman Goes to the Gym the First Week of January
Good For Her: Woman Goes to the Gym the First Week of January

Out of the ruins of 2021, a new hope has risen and passed itself towards the most enlightened students of Florida State University.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 23, 2022
Astroglide Unveils New Medicated Lube For Depressed Horny People
Astroglide Unveils New Medicated Lube For Depressed Horny People

Spring semester and 2022 are now in full swing, and you know what that means: the Leach is full, morale is low and your New Year’s resolution is to not let your SSRIs prevent you from sleeping with other horny college students.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 12, 2022
Op-Ed: Y’all Don’t Fuck With Ham?
Op-Ed: Y’all Don’t Fuck With Ham?

Ham. What more is there to say? A lot, actually.


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The Eggplant FSUNovember 30, 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes November 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes November 2021

Ring, ring, it’s seasonal depression calling! Even though Florida rarely dips below freezing (50 degrees Fahrenheit), the winter months can sometimes feel like a constant cloud over your head.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 18, 2021
Waiter Traumatized by Trying to Organize Your Fourteen Person Party’s Separate Checks
Waiter Traumatized by Trying to Organize Your Fourteen Person Party’s Separate Checks

Much like stories of vampires and boogeyman, stories of big, unannounced parties arriving at restaurants have haunted man for centuries.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 17, 2021
Happy Bi-Visibility Week! Here’s 5 Things You’re Doing That Are Making You Visibly Bi
Happy Bi-Visibility Week! Here’s 5 Things You’re Doing That Are Making You Visibly Bi

Happy bi visibility week! Here at the Eggplant, we pride ourselves on our inclusion of members of the LGBTQ community and strive to create an environment where people of all sexualities are welcome and validated. But to be honest, we’re a bit confused by “bi visibility.” Like, is it not obvious?

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 28, 2021
New in Politics: Sweaters in September vs the Actual Weather, You Dumb, Sweaty Girl
New in Politics: Sweaters in September vs the Actual Weather, You Dumb, Sweaty Girl

Ah, fall. It's a season that brings so much! A brand new school year, tensions in political elections, and that one acorn you found in the grass that you’ll keep on a shelf for way too long.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 17, 2021
Where is Jacksonville State?
Where is Jacksonville State?

There is nothing more unpredictable or devastating than Florida State’s cursed football team--it makes meteorology almost an exact science in comparison.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 15, 2021
ABBA Coming Back Somehow Flew Under the Radar
ABBA Coming Back Somehow Flew Under the Radar

Mamma Mia! One of the greatest bands and pioneers of pop music announces a reunion and we, supposed ABBA fanatics, pretend like nothing is happening.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 14, 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes September 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes September 2021

Well, the time is finally nigh. Everyone is back on campus sweating their asses off and wondering what’s next.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 8, 2021
“This Is Just Like the Movies!” Says Girl That Was Treated With Respect Once
“This Is Just Like the Movies!” Says Girl That Was Treated With Respect Once

Someone call Nicholas Sparks because I’m hearing wedding bells on Tennessee Street!

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The Eggplant FSUApril 23, 2021
Prince Philip’s First Day in Hell: A Striptease With Lil Nas X, Fist Bump With Reagan, and More
Prince Philip’s First Day in Hell: A Striptease With Lil Nas X, Fist Bump With Reagan, and More

While 99-year-old Prince Philip’s death certainly didn’t shock the world, waking up in Hell likely shocked the old bastard.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 19, 2021
Leaked Documents Reveal Online Pfizer and Moderna Beef Was Manufactured By J&J The Whole Time
Leaked Documents Reveal Online Pfizer and Moderna Beef Was Manufactured By J&J The Whole Time

Another day, another leaked document revealing something to the public they should have already known was happening.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 16, 2021
Girl Who Claims She’s “Made for the Big City” Still Can’t Parallel Park
Girl Who Claims She’s “Made for the Big City” Still Can’t Parallel Park

We know the familiar story. A bright, ambitious girl ready to take a city by storm with her creative abilities and her impressive wow factor.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 12, 2021
Local Dad Celebrates Easter by Having a God Complex
Local Dad Celebrates Easter by Having a God Complex

Over the weekend, family members gathered in groups of ten and up for Church and some good ole fashioned egg dyeing.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 7, 2021
‘Emotional Support Fish’ Blissfully Unaware of the  Crippling Responsibility It Shoulders Every Day
‘Emotional Support Fish’ Blissfully Unaware of the Crippling Responsibility It Shoulders Every Day

Spring has sprung, and as students near the ever-frightening end of the semester, mental health has been rapidly declining.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 5, 2021
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