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The Eggplant
Child Gets Lost in Whole Foods, Returns to Family as Jill Stein Supporter
Child Gets Lost in Whole Foods, Returns to Family as Jill Stein Supporter

Late Sunday afternoon, nine-year-old Ralph Watson wandered down the incense aisle of Whole Foods, leaving his mother, father and sister behind while they shopped for an organic Thanksgiving turducken and a ceramic serving bowl imbued with posi vibes.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 7, 2016
The E-Mails The Media Isn’t Talking About: Hillary’s 33,000 Charlotte Russe Promo Codes
The E-Mails The Media Isn’t Talking About: Hillary’s 33,000 Charlotte Russe Promo Codes

With the abundance of scandals plaguing the 2016 election cycle, it’s impossible to talk about Hillary Clinton without discussing her Damn E-Mails™, but there is still more that the media and the Clinton campaign are not sharing.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 2, 2016
Unable to Top Viral Nature of Birdie Sanders Video, Campaign Posts Video of Candidate Fitting Both Full Fists into Mouth
Unable to Top Viral Nature of Birdie Sanders Video, Campaign Posts Video of Candidate Fitting Both Full Fists into Mouth

Presidential candidate and constant receiver/transmitter of static electricity Bernie Sanders recently gave a speech in Portland during which a tiny bird landed on his podium. This was a small, cute incident with no political significance. So unsurprisingly, it has become a major focal point . . .

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The Eggplant FSUJuly 17, 2016
Thrasher Passes Bill Allowing University to Discriminate Based on if You’re a Fuckin’ Nerd
Thrasher Passes Bill Allowing University to Discriminate Based on if You’re a Fuckin’ Nerd

Following Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant (R) signing a bill into law legalizing discrimination against the LBGTQ+ community, FSU President John Thrasher has jumped on the bandwagon of bigotry and signed his own bill into law, effective immediately: . . .

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The Eggplant FSUJuly 17, 2016
Jeb(!) ‘Doesn’t Even Wanna Talk About It,’ Storms Through Bush Residence Slamming Doors
Jeb(!) ‘Doesn’t Even Wanna Talk About It,’ Storms Through Bush Residence Slamming Doors

On Saturday, February 20th, a Donald Trump victory in S.C. coupled with a single-digit performance led Jeb(!) Bush to suspend his campaign indefinitely. Governor Bush was able to maintain poise during his concession speech, but upon returning home . . .

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The Eggplant FSUJuly 17, 2016
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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