The Real Story of Duo’s Untimely Demise
It stunned the internet (it probably shouldn’t have) to learn that Duo, the beloved green icon of Duolingo, met his untimely end at the hands of a Cybertruck. The odds of a rogue Cybertruck being a murder weapon seem slim to none. It’s clear this was intentional. Someone had a problem to settle, and Dua Lipa chose to do it from the driver’s seat. Millions of language learners worldwide are shaken to their core, unable to find the words to express how they will continue their streaks without the mildly veiled threats coming from the famous owl. What is there to do now that the terror-filled Duolingo lesson can’t happen in the bar at 11:55 PM while trying to order the next round of drinks?
Duolingo has taken to social media, providing footage of the incident with the intention of finding the vigilante responsible. Eyewitnesses have bravely come forward to shed light on the situation and fill in details missing from the mainstream media. Birds-eye witness Lynn Guist went on record to make a brave claim stating, “I know what I saw. This shouldn’t be swept under the rug. I made eye contact with her as she drove away, and it was definitely Dua Lipa. Go ahead and ask what her alibi is because I guarantee she wasn’t giving Calvin Harris that one kiss.” Ms Guist then went on to describe that after the first impact, Ms Lipa rolled down the window, put the car in reverse, and ran over him again. Dua Lipa’s team did not respond to the request for a statement. Still, it can only be assumed this fit of jealousy ensued after Duo tweeted about Sharika’s flawless Spanish grammar.
Utter chaos has erupted across the internet, with loyal users being quite vocal in regard to the questions and conspiracy theories popping up from all of this, while Dua Lipa fans are standing strong with the opinion that she would never be capable of pulling something like this off, that she’s never had any ill will against Shakira. The growing silence from Shakira during this time only deepens the mystery, making this murder investigation a full-blown international scandal. Weeaboo Lexi Con remains insistent that Duo had to have faked his own death as a way to guilt-trip those struggling to maintain their streaks. “No. Absolutely not. I just refuse to believe he’s dead,” she murmured, checking Duo’s location for the fourth time in the last half hour. “How am I supposed to keep my Japanese streak alive without his passive-aggressive reminders?” Now, she’ll unfortunately never make it to her homeland. No, not Broward. Rather, her spiritual homeland of Tokyo.
As the investigation continues, the nation expresses mixed thoughts on the whole situation. Some insist the bird had it coming, with years of threats sitting in their notification center to back up their arguments. Others remain so heartbroken that they’ve run out of streak freezes and can’t find it in them to do a lesson anymore. With #StreakingForDuo currently trending on Twitter, one thing is for sure: Dua Lipa will have this bad press levitating over her for quite a while. The people are convinced, Dua Lipa, famous pop-star, is responsible for the murder and should be arrested and punished accordingly. Consider her Cybertruck privileges revoked.