The Eggplant
Home Student Life Oldies
FSU Tallahassee National
About Disclaimer Meet Our Staff
HomeStudent LifeOldies News FSU Tallahassee National About About Disclaimer Meet Our Staff
The Eggplant
“Am I Hungry or Is It Just in Front of Me?” Exploring the Suwannee Room Effect
“Am I Hungry or Is It Just in Front of Me?” Exploring the Suwannee Room Effect

Scientists from all over have begun to investigate what they call the “Suwannee Room Effect” which has caused countless students to swipe their FSUIDs and fill their little plates to critical capacity.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUNovember 7, 2019
FSU Union Opening Pushed to 2050 Following $18 Million Taggart Buy-Out
FSU Union Opening Pushed to 2050 Following $18 Million Taggart Buy-Out

In light of the recent FSU football-Apprentice crossover episode (read: you’re fired), the new student union has been delayed yet again as an oval ball of leather has been prioritized over student organizations that further the development of a top twenty university—not to mention a functional Einstein Bros.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUNovember 4, 2019
Breaking: Pete Davidson Not Hot in Person, Either
Breaking: Pete Davidson Not Hot in Person, Either

Well, it happened. One of the biggest weeks of the year for people who wished they could have gone to prom a fifth time in high school came around at last: Homecoming.



Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 29, 2019
Strozier to Open Crenshaw Lanes in Now Defunct Café Since “Y’All Mess Around Anyway”
Strozier to Open Crenshaw Lanes in Now Defunct Café Since “Y’All Mess Around Anyway”

Much like everything else on campus, new buildings at FSU are seldom built on time. Let’s face it - by the time the “new” Earth, Ocean, and Atmospheric Science building has a grand opening, Salley will already be a big ol’ pile of rubble.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 28, 2019
Freshman Who Peaked in High School Devastated That Homecoming Doesn’t Include Dress-Up Days
Freshman Who Peaked in High School Devastated That Homecoming Doesn’t Include Dress-Up Days

Homecoming is a special time at FSU - the frats are always suspended, the football team is always bad, SGA members act like they work at the fucking Pentagon while protecting the identity of the PowWow performer and students across campus secretly ask themselves why this whole thing even exists.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 25, 2019
Learning Through Osmosis: How to Make the Best of Your In-Class Naps
Learning Through Osmosis: How to Make the Best of Your In-Class Naps

Everyone has seen that student who sleeps through lectures several times a week, yet still comes out with a high “A” like “it wasn’t that hard or anything.”

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 22, 2019
FSU Sailing Club Disappointed to Find out That Lil Yachty Is Just a Rapper
FSU Sailing Club Disappointed to Find out That Lil Yachty Is Just a Rapper

Homecoming has arrived, and while all three people organizing FSU’s Homecoming performance were scrambling to find enough foldable chairs for the event, the FSU Sailing Club was sinking into some hard truths.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 21, 2019
Thank Goodness! Someone Drove Through the Wooden Gate at the Staff Parking Lot, so You Don’t Have To
Thank Goodness! Someone Drove Through the Wooden Gate at the Staff Parking Lot, so You Don’t Have To

Whether it’s the fire lane of Traditions Garage or some strange backlot behind one friend’s freshman year roommate’s sorority house, parking is hard.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 15, 2019
Strozier Starbucks Now Hiring Employees Just to Stand Around
Strozier Starbucks Now Hiring Employees Just to Stand Around

It’s midterm season and everyone is looking for their next sweet caffeine high like freaking fiends.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 14, 2019
Meet the Members of the HCB Skate Team
Meet the Members of the HCB Skate Team

HCB is a landmark building for every lost freshman on Florida State’s campus. Legend says that it stands for Huge Crazy Boner or something else just as crazy bonkers

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 10, 2019
“I Love Class Discussion, You Know?” Says Student Who Craves Attention
“I Love Class Discussion, You Know?” Says Student Who Craves Attention

When staring into space in a lecture, there are many, many ways the class can go horribly wrong.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 9, 2019
Marching Chiefs’ Thirst for Water During Noon Games Beaten out by Thirst for FSU's Football Players
Marching Chiefs’ Thirst for Water During Noon Games Beaten out by Thirst for FSU's Football Players

The FSU Marching Chiefs are recognized worldwide for their suffocating jackets and goofy hats, but for true FSU football fans, it would not be an FSU football game without a kid in the drumline passing out after half time.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 4, 2019
"Studying Abroad Is So Important," Says Girl Who Will Live in Her Hometown Her Entire Life
"Studying Abroad Is So Important," Says Girl Who Will Live in Her Hometown Her Entire Life

Each semester, students from all over the United States pack their bags to study abroad. It’s a special time for students to experience different cultures, pretend to learn a new language and make countless back-to-back posts on Instagram.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 3, 2019
Friend From High School Also Liking FSU so Far
Friend From High School Also Liking FSU so Far

It’s five minutes before your class starts, and you’re at least a 15 minute walk from HCB. While passing the Shores building, you suddenly make eye contact with the last person you’d ever expect or want to see: the one kid from your high school who goes to FSU.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 2, 2019
Pow Wow Performer Revealed to Be Paw Patrol Live After Budget Cuts
Pow Wow Performer Revealed to Be Paw Patrol Live After Budget Cuts

Everyone who’s anyone knows that FSU is currently on the come-up. After moving into the prestigious Top Twenty status, FSU had truly been thriving thanks to raking in multi-million dollar donations made by old, philanthropist sugar daddies and recent graduates who figure they owe the school something for making their degree more valuable.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUOctober 1, 2019
Mother Takes Legacy Walk of Shame Half-Covered in FSU Body Paint
Mother Takes Legacy Walk of Shame Half-Covered in FSU Body Paint

This past weekend saw hoards of mothers and fathers entering Tallahassee’s city limits to get their fifteenth chance at the college lifestyle.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUSeptember 30, 2019
Stand-Up Comedian Stuns Audience by Not Talking About Their Sex Life For Once
Stand-Up Comedian Stuns Audience by Not Talking About Their Sex Life For Once

It was an open mic-night like any other. Angsty college students stumbled on stage in an attempt to humor their peers who will laugh whether they’re actually funny or not.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUSeptember 26, 2019
Man Asking Girlfriend to Consider Polyamory at Sweet Shop Gives New Meaning to "Yes, We're Open"
Man Asking Girlfriend to Consider Polyamory at Sweet Shop Gives New Meaning to "Yes, We're Open"

Dating on a college campus can be a unique challenge. In the quest to keep the romance alive, couples might find themselves running into difficult, yet universal obstacles: how do I ask if we’re exclusive without seeming too invested or whatever?

Read More
The Eggplant FSUSeptember 23, 2019
Student Who Can’t Afford Therapy Animal Certification Revives Old Nintendogs
Student Who Can’t Afford Therapy Animal Certification Revives Old Nintendogs

Anyone who's anyone has played with a cute dog on Landis - whether it be a frat guy’s “chick magnet,” a LARPer’s only friend that goes by some dumbass name like Sir Fredrick Lancelot, or a creepy preacher’s dog who doubles as a way of tricking students into talking to them.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUSeptember 19, 2019
Student Leaders Powerless Without Uniform Khaki Shorts
Student Leaders Powerless Without Uniform Khaki Shorts

For the majority of students, the most exciting thing to expect during their time at FSU is narrowly missing an MIP charge for the third time at Pots.

Read More
The Eggplant FSUSeptember 17, 2019
Newer Older

  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

Powered by Squarespace