It’s about that time, folks! Thanks to all the oblivious ding-dongs that actually fall for those fake account expiration emails, FSU’s newly implemented mandatory password reset has plagued our student accounts once again.
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It’s college ranking season again, which means it’s time to fulfill the annual tradition of wondering why your university falls six places below the Colorado School of Mines.
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Anthropology professor Jeff Kimbrel is a simple man. After he wakes up in the morning, he fills up his Coffee Makes Me Poop! travel mug with light roast coffee, squeezes his two-person Smart Car in between the Napleton Infiniti cars that are still at the Saint Augustine Garage and prints of all of his material for the day -- double-sided.
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“OK Googie, show me the memey,” are the words Mimi Jacobs spoke that sparked the tragedy on campus this week as twenty were sent to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital with internal bleeding and shart in their pants on Tuesday after Mimi surprised her peers with a very funny meme on slide 9 of her Prezi.
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With the arrival of Fall semester, students are beginning to settle in and faculty are becoming more comfortable in their classrooms.
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Greetings everyone at Florida State University except for Eppes statue supporters!
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Following the suspension of FSU’s Zeta Beta Tau fraternity due to “forced consumption of food, alcohol, and drugs” and “physical violence” against their own members, many brothers have continued repping their cursed letters, despite their poor Greek organization serving as a lightning rod for criticism and corruption.
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It’s funny how we do this; try to wrap up an extraordinary experience with some words about how much it meant, how it changed us, how we do not know what we would have done without it. It is performative. It is overdone. It is self-indulgent. I’m doing it anyway.
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With spring semester ending and the new school year fast approaching, prospective students from all over Florida and a few confused out-of-staters are flocking to tour FSU’s beautiful campus soon to be littered with Fireball bottle shards from Doak After Dark.
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FSU has moved away from the barbaric pencil-to-scantron method used to gather valuable student suggestions that are to be immediately discarded, taking teacher evaluation forms entirely digital.
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Today is 4/20, a date which holds particular significance to your friend who went on that 311 cruise and still watches South Park.
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FSU Alerts is back on its bullshit! Due to a “system malfunction,” or as we in the biz like to call it, “Ryan the intern sat on the big red button again,” strings of terrifying FSU Alerts were sent out last Thursday, causing panic across campus until the emergency claims were debunked, after a quick 15 minutes of wondering whether or not you should be tapping into a fight or flight response.
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As FSU gears up to promote the official transition from Blackboard to Canvas in the coming semesters, university researchers have been working day in and day out to figure out how to improve student and faculty experiences on these equally shitty course management sites. Following numerous focus groups and controlled experiments, researchers threw out the results that suggested teachers just input grades in a timely manner, and instead seem to have asked a 13-year-old girl what she thinks would improve the site change. The answer? Add a ‘stories’ feature! Fucking duh!
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After weeks of strenuous negotiating and sacrificing jazz musicians to the Gods of Cinema, the Golden Tribe Lecture Series teamed up with the SLC and College of Motion Picture Arts to book an evening with “Moonlight” director and sweet, sweet baby angel Barry Jenkins.
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Wow, it looks like Burning Spear isn’t even the coolest secret society that we’re gonna talk about this week!
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Why focus on small to intermediate student-centric solutions to improve life on campus when you can marginally increase the name brand of the degree you received fifteen years ago? Right?
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For those of us who don’t major in cartography and ~wanderlust~, navigating the halls of some FSU buildings can feel like trying to sail to Asia—you think you’ve got it figured out until you land on a continent that’s already inhabited and deliver mass genocide and Syphilis.
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Election day is today, and everyone you’ve been avoiding in between HCB and the Integration Statue is ready to really make a difference by voting for mostly the same group of people to continue the same half-assed policy-making and the same full-assed egocentrism they had already been occupying for years.
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Despite the overwhelming student appreciation for its on-campus concert venue, plethora of study rooms and access to $3 frozen margs via Chili’s, the Oglesby Union is facing strict budget cuts.
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As a means of escape from daily stresses, FSU students are flocking to Landis Green to get fresh air, see some doggos and watch freshmen take their three-person football game way too seriously.
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