FSU Alerts is back on its bullshit! Due to a “system malfunction,” or as we in the biz like to call it, “Ryan the intern sat on the big red button again,” strings of terrifying FSU Alerts were sent out last Thursday, causing panic across campus until the emergency claims were debunked, after a quick 15 minutes of wondering whether or not you should be tapping into a fight or flight response.
Read MoreAs FSU gears up to promote the official transition from Blackboard to Canvas in the coming semesters, university researchers have been working day in and day out to figure out how to improve student and faculty experiences on these equally shitty course management sites. Following numerous focus groups and controlled experiments, researchers threw out the results that suggested teachers just input grades in a timely manner, and instead seem to have asked a 13-year-old girl what she thinks would improve the site change. The answer? Add a ‘stories’ feature! Fucking duh!
Read MoreAfter weeks of strenuous negotiating and sacrificing jazz musicians to the Gods of Cinema, the Golden Tribe Lecture Series teamed up with the SLC and College of Motion Picture Arts to book an evening with “Moonlight” director and sweet, sweet baby angel Barry Jenkins.
Read MoreWow, it looks like Burning Spear isn’t even the coolest secret society that we’re gonna talk about this week!
Read MoreWhy focus on small to intermediate student-centric solutions to improve life on campus when you can marginally increase the name brand of the degree you received fifteen years ago? Right?
Read MoreFor those of us who don’t major in cartography and ~wanderlust~, navigating the halls of some FSU buildings can feel like trying to sail to Asia—you think you’ve got it figured out until you land on a continent that’s already inhabited and deliver mass genocide and Syphilis.
Read MoreElection day is today, and everyone you’ve been avoiding in between HCB and the Integration Statue is ready to really make a difference by voting for mostly the same group of people to continue the same half-assed policy-making and the same full-assed egocentrism they had already been occupying for years.
Read MoreDespite the overwhelming student appreciation for its on-campus concert venue, plethora of study rooms and access to $3 frozen margs via Chili’s, the Oglesby Union is facing strict budget cuts.
Read MoreAs a means of escape from daily stresses, FSU students are flocking to Landis Green to get fresh air, see some doggos and watch freshmen take their three-person football game way too seriously.
Read MoreWe thought we could do it. We thought we could hide it from you all. But apparently some among you have broken through the concrete façade we have maintained all these years. And now it is time to come clean.
Read MoreIn a rare case of conservatives holding each other accountable last week, the Florida Federation of College Republicans served the FSU chapter with a Notice of Impeachment, following allegations of violations of its Constitution.
Read MoreAs Apocalypse looms on the horizon with the swearing-in of the country’s first Demon-American president, Students for a Democratic Society decided it was time to make their voices heard by staging a walkout on Friday.
Read MoreAs if notorious Florida State statue Francis Eppes needed any more controversy this academic year, the university’s PR team announced today that Eppes will not be attending Marc Lamont Hill’s lecture Tuesday night in Ruby Diamond Auditorium.
Read MoreFlorida State started off the spring semester with high morale after FSU Film School alumnus Moonlight director Barry Jenkins received a Golden Globe on Sunday, and also after students realized there was no school the following Monday for Martin Luther King Jr. day.
Read MoreWell, it happened. They finally fired me. Turns out there can only be so much public indecency before people start to get nervous. Luckily, like a graceful exit from American Idol, they are giving me one last song.
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Although most at FSU expected nothing new this time of year besides the usual grim finals week and Tallahassee’s inability to pick a climate, students across campus agree something is different in the frosty but somehow still humid Tallahassee air.
Read MoreAs we approach the end of the year and the holiday season, we arrive at the magical time when budgets have been allocated and the FSU administration figures out what to do with surplus sweepings.
Read MoreAfter being constantly asked “what are you studying again?” and stuffing their faces with pumpkin pie to keep themselves out of political discourse last week, hundreds of FSU students have banded together to form a weekly therapy group to recover from one holiday break and prepare for the approaching one in just three weeks.
Read MoreFollowing the game that put an end to a species of self-righteous reptiles, unfortunately excluding lizard overlord Marco Rubio, The University of Florida has ordered a score recount. Despite the fact that over 80,000 people saw them lose in person and millions of people saw them lose via live broadcast, UF is certain the score recount will yield a better result.
Read MoreIn the area of uncultivated and low-lying wet ground that somehow has become its brand, Shrek’s Swamp, like UF, has been lashing out at surrounding areas in the Kingdom of Far Far Away to prove the swamp’s true dominance in all areas, including objectification of women, academic shaming and visually impaired anthropomorphised mice.
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