After months of listening to nearly everybody she knows brag about tapas in Spain and all the drugs they did and the prostitutes they allegedly didn’t do in Amsterdam, FSU international affairs major Emily Burkenstein is fed up.
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Media Productions major and self-proclaimed film expert Corey Brown has spent all week lashing out against FSU’s renowned film program. His goal is to make it clear that he couldn’t care less about the film school and also that his feelings on the subject have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his application to the program was just rejected for the third time.
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Each pledge season, fraternities at Florida State University bring in a wide range of people, from white males who secretly respect females and hate themselves, to white males who openly disrespect females and love themselves. Freshman Curtis Bottoms, however, decided to rush a fraternity to be a part of the legendary hazing.
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After a summer of keeping it in their pants, FSU’s nudist club “Naturally FSU” has decided to start off their activities this semester with a literal bang. The club announced this afternoon that on the eve of October’s first full moon they’ll be having the ride of their life: an all-inclusive orgy.
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As fraternity rush comes to a close, FSU students prepare themselves to be comforted by one single thought: “at least I’m not a pledge.” However, not everyone is excited to see the yearly flood of navy blue blazers and khaki pants.
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FSU advisor Mary Belton has had a crazy beginning of fall semester. Between maintaining her hourly 30 minute coffee break, and sexting FSU presidential candidate John Thrasher, finding time to actually advise students has been difficult.
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"Weed."- Ally Spencer
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Most college students dread the icebreaker questions that signify the first day of class, but for FSU junior Stacy Chiles, it was the day she had been waiting for all summer long.
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Incoming freshmen Spencer Greene spent his first night on campus disappointed and confused after quickly realizing that the college experience is nothing like how it is portrayed on Pornhub.
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After a strenuous day of moving in their freshmen daughter Lexi Higgins, FSU alumni Janet and Bill Higgins have decided to take another whack at college life altogether.
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