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The Eggplant
New Study Shows that Clearer Ikea Instructions Reduce Divorce Rates
New Study Shows that Clearer Ikea Instructions Reduce Divorce Rates

Ikea has been receiving a lot of criticism from the public recently.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 14, 2022
 BREAKING: The Group Chat That You’re Not In Is Talking Shit About You Right This Second
BREAKING: The Group Chat That You’re Not In Is Talking Shit About You Right This Second

Now more than ever we can make friends all across the internet, hopefully avoiding as many neckbeards as possible.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 8, 2022
Newsom v DeSantis boxing match to be streamed on Twitch
Newsom v DeSantis boxing match to be streamed on Twitch

As governors DeSantis’ and Newsom’s migrant bussing feud heats up, the leaders are looking to let off a little steam in the most American way possible

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 23, 2022
The Hare Baselessly Accuses the Tortoise of Taking Speed; His Family Responds
The Hare Baselessly Accuses the Tortoise of Taking Speed; His Family Responds

Speedy Tortoise II shocked the world Sunday night when he not only lapped Harold Hare in the Track & Field portion of the Furrylympics but ultimately won the race, becoming the first of his species to ever win anything.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 15, 2022
The Most Unfunny Person You Know Is Going To Keep Making Queen of England Jokes
The Most Unfunny Person You Know Is Going To Keep Making Queen of England Jokes

We get it. RIP Lizzy.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 13, 2022
What? The Grammys Happened?
What? The Grammys Happened?

That’s right, another pretentious awards show with celebrities and their silly little gold statues happened.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 24, 2022
Recent News Reports Weather Is Hot but Cold
Recent News Reports Weather Is Hot but Cold

With spring break consisting of icey weather and imminent rain clouds, Tallahassee residents dream of the warmer, sunnier days, such as winter break.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 5, 2022
	Jared Leto Auctions off $1 Million Guitar TO Ukrainian Refugees
Jared Leto Auctions off $1 Million Guitar TO Ukrainian Refugees

Jared Leto recently announced he will be auctioning off a guitar he used for downtime on the Morbius release tour to Ukrainian refugees in Poland.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 5, 2022
Recapping the 2022 Oscar Winners
Recapping the 2022 Oscar Winners

Well, the Oscars definitely happened!

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 30, 2022
We Speedran All of the Oscar Nominations So You Don’t Have To But We Didn’t Have Time  So Here Are Our Best Guesses
We Speedran All of the Oscar Nominations So You Don’t Have To But We Didn’t Have Time So Here Are Our Best Guesses

Nightmare Alley: Bradley Cooper trips absolute balls, convinces himself he’s a silly little trickster man and goes on to gaslight literally everyone he’s ever met. It’s so scary.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 27, 2022
UFC Presents: Kanye West vs Pete Davidson
UFC Presents: Kanye West vs Pete Davidson

You either love him or hate him--Kanye West, also known as Ye or every Swiftie’s musical arch-nemesis.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 24, 2022
The Super Bowl or Just a Quirked Up White Boy Busting it Down Sexual Style?
The Super Bowl or Just a Quirked Up White Boy Busting it Down Sexual Style?

Two Weeks ago the Bagels and that LA team came together to brawl in the Super Bowl— for the people who are not familiar, it’s the sports show where Lady Gaga performed her iconic music mash-up in 2017.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 24, 2022
Guy Best Friend Wants to Know What You’re Doing February 14th
Guy Best Friend Wants to Know What You’re Doing February 14th

As the season of love ravages FSU’s campus, insufferable couples find new ways to tell everyone they have a beau this Valentine’s.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 13, 2022
So You Don’t Watch Euphoria, Here’s What You Need To Know
So You Don’t Watch Euphoria, Here’s What You Need To Know

In today’s society, being a person who has not yet watched Euphoria is as ugly as someone going to Starbucks during the boycott.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 7, 2022
Boyfriend Who Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boy Friend Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boyfriend But Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Or Boyfriend But He Is
Boyfriend Who Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boy Friend Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boyfriend But Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Or Boyfriend But He Is

With the smell of love and Health and Wellness Center appointments in the air, many feel they’ll find their other half in the city of romance (Tallahassee, Florida).

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 3, 2022
Communism Strikes Again: M&M’s De-sexualized
Communism Strikes Again: M&M’s De-sexualized

It’s no secret: Communism has slowly taken over America.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 1, 2022
BROCKHAMPTON Breakup Brings War Flashbacks of Your Parents Divorce
BROCKHAMPTON Breakup Brings War Flashbacks of Your Parents Divorce

If you didn’t hear the male-manipulator screams around campus or get the all-call for an emergency LGBT+ staff meeting, then we hate to be the ones to break the news, but BROCKHAMPTON has broken up.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 24, 2022
Good For Her: Woman Goes to the Gym the First Week of January
Good For Her: Woman Goes to the Gym the First Week of January

Out of the ruins of 2021, a new hope has risen and passed itself towards the most enlightened students of Florida State University.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 23, 2022
Astroglide Unveils New Medicated Lube For Depressed Horny People
Astroglide Unveils New Medicated Lube For Depressed Horny People

Spring semester and 2022 are now in full swing, and you know what that means: the Leach is full, morale is low and your New Year’s resolution is to not let your SSRIs prevent you from sleeping with other horny college students.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 12, 2022
Op-Ed: Y’all Don’t Fuck With Ham?
Op-Ed: Y’all Don’t Fuck With Ham?

Ham. What more is there to say? A lot, actually.


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The Eggplant FSUNovember 30, 2021
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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