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The Eggplant
Eggplant Horoscopes November 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes November 2021

Ring, ring, it’s seasonal depression calling! Even though Florida rarely dips below freezing (50 degrees Fahrenheit), the winter months can sometimes feel like a constant cloud over your head.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 18, 2021
Waiter Traumatized by Trying to Organize Your Fourteen Person Party’s Separate Checks
Waiter Traumatized by Trying to Organize Your Fourteen Person Party’s Separate Checks

Much like stories of vampires and boogeyman, stories of big, unannounced parties arriving at restaurants have haunted man for centuries.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 17, 2021
Happy Bi-Visibility Week! Here’s 5 Things You’re Doing That Are Making You Visibly Bi
Happy Bi-Visibility Week! Here’s 5 Things You’re Doing That Are Making You Visibly Bi

Happy bi visibility week! Here at the Eggplant, we pride ourselves on our inclusion of members of the LGBTQ community and strive to create an environment where people of all sexualities are welcome and validated. But to be honest, we’re a bit confused by “bi visibility.” Like, is it not obvious?

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 28, 2021
New in Politics: Sweaters in September vs the Actual Weather, You Dumb, Sweaty Girl
New in Politics: Sweaters in September vs the Actual Weather, You Dumb, Sweaty Girl

Ah, fall. It's a season that brings so much! A brand new school year, tensions in political elections, and that one acorn you found in the grass that you’ll keep on a shelf for way too long.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 17, 2021
Where is Jacksonville State?
Where is Jacksonville State?

There is nothing more unpredictable or devastating than Florida State’s cursed football team--it makes meteorology almost an exact science in comparison.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 15, 2021
ABBA Coming Back Somehow Flew Under the Radar
ABBA Coming Back Somehow Flew Under the Radar

Mamma Mia! One of the greatest bands and pioneers of pop music announces a reunion and we, supposed ABBA fanatics, pretend like nothing is happening.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 14, 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes September 2021
Eggplant Horoscopes September 2021

Well, the time is finally nigh. Everyone is back on campus sweating their asses off and wondering what’s next.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 8, 2021
“This Is Just Like the Movies!” Says Girl That Was Treated With Respect Once
“This Is Just Like the Movies!” Says Girl That Was Treated With Respect Once

Someone call Nicholas Sparks because I’m hearing wedding bells on Tennessee Street!

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The Eggplant FSUApril 23, 2021
Prince Philip’s First Day in Hell: A Striptease With Lil Nas X, Fist Bump With Reagan, and More
Prince Philip’s First Day in Hell: A Striptease With Lil Nas X, Fist Bump With Reagan, and More

While 99-year-old Prince Philip’s death certainly didn’t shock the world, waking up in Hell likely shocked the old bastard.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 19, 2021
Leaked Documents Reveal Online Pfizer and Moderna Beef Was Manufactured By J&J The Whole Time
Leaked Documents Reveal Online Pfizer and Moderna Beef Was Manufactured By J&J The Whole Time

Another day, another leaked document revealing something to the public they should have already known was happening.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 16, 2021
Girl Who Claims She’s “Made for the Big City” Still Can’t Parallel Park
Girl Who Claims She’s “Made for the Big City” Still Can’t Parallel Park

We know the familiar story. A bright, ambitious girl ready to take a city by storm with her creative abilities and her impressive wow factor.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 12, 2021
Local Dad Celebrates Easter by Having a God Complex
Local Dad Celebrates Easter by Having a God Complex

Over the weekend, family members gathered in groups of ten and up for Church and some good ole fashioned egg dyeing.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 7, 2021
‘Emotional Support Fish’ Blissfully Unaware of the  Crippling Responsibility It Shoulders Every Day
‘Emotional Support Fish’ Blissfully Unaware of the Crippling Responsibility It Shoulders Every Day

Spring has sprung, and as students near the ever-frightening end of the semester, mental health has been rapidly declining.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 5, 2021
Four Daydream Scenarios To Keep You Entertained During Easter Mass
Four Daydream Scenarios To Keep You Entertained During Easter Mass

Easter is coming up, which means its time for every cradle-Catholic to cosplay a heterosexual non-degenerate while they are home for the weekend.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 2, 2021
This Article Is Just the Entire Transcript of The Great Gatsby
This Article Is Just the Entire Transcript of The Great Gatsby

At the end of the hit 2007 Disney and Pixar film Ratatouille, the renowned food critic Anton Ego delivers a highly acclaimed speech about the folly of critics.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 1, 2021
“Lube It Up!” 6 Ways FSU Students Suggested The Ever Given Could Have Been Removed From the Suez Canal
“Lube It Up!” 6 Ways FSU Students Suggested The Ever Given Could Have Been Removed From the Suez Canal

Let it be said that the students of FSU are known for a lot of...unique things.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 31, 2021
Dunkin’s New James Charles Drink Comes With Rainbow Espresso and a Slur of the Cashier’s Choosing
Dunkin’s New James Charles Drink Comes With Rainbow Espresso and a Slur of the Cashier’s Choosing

In a poor effort to market towards the alphabet mafia, Dunkin’ Donuts has released a new James Charles drink to follow the coveted Charli D’Amelio cold foam remix.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 23, 2021
Obscenely Rich Friend Is Excited To Spend Second Stimulus Check
Obscenely Rich Friend Is Excited To Spend Second Stimulus Check

Conservation around the highly coveted “stimmy check” has been a staple of mainstream discourse for almost a year now.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 22, 2021
Local Man Who Just Got His First Dose Of The Vaccine So Glad “Things Are Back To Normal Now”
Local Man Who Just Got His First Dose Of The Vaccine So Glad “Things Are Back To Normal Now”

It’s pretty safe–like, triple-mask safe–to say that most of us are gosh darn over the pandemic hellscape of the last year-and-counting.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 19, 2021
7 Substances You Put in Your Body Daily That Are Much More Suspect Than Any COVID Vaccine
7 Substances You Put in Your Body Daily That Are Much More Suspect Than Any COVID Vaccine

Vaccines are now promised to be made available to everyone by the first of May, meaning the full force of the long foretold vaccination season is finally upon us.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 17, 2021
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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