As we reach the half-way point of another nightmarish Zoom semester, the fatigue of having no breaks is finally setting in.
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Last night at 11:42 am a 2’5” Pickle Rick bong was seen in the grasps of one extremely high 20-year-old.
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With the one-year anniversary of the start of this hellish pandemic quickly approaching, many of us our frankly out of bullshit ways to fabricate escape from the torture.
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Maybe the only good thing about the persisting Coronavirus pandemic is its function as a ubiquitous excuse for just about anything.
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We’ve been in this pandemic for eleven months now, and it seems like most people have somehow learned nothing, especially you.
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Due to the scarcity of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines and inability to share formulas because of rabid capitalism, the Food and Drug Association is scrambling to find more dosages so folks don’t end up in an early grave.
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Famed hot boy, democratic socialist king, and senator from Vermont Bernard Sanders may have lost to Sleepy Joe in the 2020 Democratic Primary before he even had a chance to go up against the big orange himself, but if anything, he is resilient.
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Though we tried giving 2021 a good run, it proved to be 2020’s more evil, messed up twin.
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In more recent news, a fast-food company specializing in “Mexican” food decided to make some cuts to their menu.
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Winter brings with her the death of the trees, the flowers, and the tired gender identity of “men.”
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If you’ve ever been one to yearn for life outside of your small Florida town, then you’re probably very aware of Jay Alvarrez.
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With the semester rapidly coming to a close and the Holidays creeping up right behind, your trusted astrological team here at The Eggplant have provided a comprehensive guide to tackle the 2020 finale in nothing but style.
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When it comes to wearing masks or having socially irresponsible house parties, our GOP peers are all about the freedom to choose.
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Black Friday: A capitalists’ holiday where every year thousands of idiotic Americans choose to hospitalize each other in the name of a new plasma screen TV.
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Let’s face it: Grandpa’s getting old as fuck, and his time on Earth is running out.
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Right-wingers love to tout the pursuit of truth. However, faced with the certainty of meeting the consequences of their actions (instead of apologizing or recanting), their only defense mechanism is gaslighting themselves and others.
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Are you tired of hearing about the election?
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The evening of November 7th, 2020 was a righteous day in history--our great girl boss matriarch Momala Harris absolutely obliterated the glass ceiling.
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Doctors, scientists, and public health officials have been working exhaustive hours trying to find a vaccination for COVID-19 amidst the constant protests from anti-muzzlers.
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Well guys, we did it. Thanks to Saturday’s election update, Joe Biden is now our official President-elect and we can bid farewell to the days of constant Oval Office tweeting and worse than pathetic pandemic response.
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