Role Model Alert! Jameis Winston Throws up Demon Beelzebub in Front of School Children

Role Model Alert! Jameis Winston Throws up Demon Beelzebub in Front of School Children

Last Thursday, when many aging undergraduate students could take ease knowing they no longer had to worry about their school's reputation being tarnished by an immature, yet nationally renowned quarterback, there was a disturbance in the Force. Jameis Winston, professional football player and part-time crab thief, spoke in front of a fifth-grade class. After saying a series of sexist remarks that no one condoned but many expected, he decided to throw up a living, breathing demon by the name of Beelzebub.

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Real Sportsmanship! UNC Kicker Scored to Show Ricky Aguayo What a Field Goal Looks Like

Real Sportsmanship! UNC Kicker Scored to Show Ricky Aguayo What a Field Goal Looks Like

And you thought Saturday was all bad! Even though the ‘Noles experienced a crushing second loss to an unranked North Carolina team, a new report has emerged providing what might just be the feel-good story of the year. Players from both teams have come forward to explain that UNC took their final place kick in order to show Ricky Aguayo what a field goal looked like.

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Justice = Served! NCAA Gives Athletes Buying School Supplies a WAKE UP CALL!

Justice = Served! NCAA Gives Athletes Buying School Supplies a WAKE UP CALL!

Yesterday afternoon, 30+ players on the Charleston Southern University football team revealed that they are being fined and will have to sit out a game following a horrific incident in which the young men had the audacity to use the textbook money they are entitled to to buy frivolous things, including pencils, binders and even electronics.

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UF Athletic Department Commissions New Cups to Fit Football Players’ Tiny, Tiny Nuts

UF Athletic Department Commissions New Cups to Fit Football Players’ Tiny, Tiny Nuts

Following widespread steroid usage among the Gator football team stemming from former starting quarterback Will Grier’s failed drug test, the UF athletic department announced Wednesday that they must now fund the creation of new athletic cups to help protect the team’s itty bitty nuts. Officials say the problem was brought to their attention when several players described their athletic cup situation as being similar to . . .

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Cason Beatty’s Recent Performance Linked to String of Lamb Sacrifices

Cason Beatty’s Recent Performance Linked to String of Lamb Sacrifices

Early this morning, Wake Forest Police Department officials reported a dead lamb found on the football team’s practice field. Though they have yet to release any named suspects, a source at Wake Forest has said Florida State punter Cason Beatty was seen attempting to coax a lamb out of a local farm last night with a bottle of black-market sheep breast milk . . .

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