Pepsi, the second choice for children everywhere, managed to disappoint adults last week through an advertisement that appropriated protest imagery for the purpose of selling a fizzy drink. Not ones to simply take the L, Pepsi will be trying a different ad campaign this summer that mimics the iconography of famous sports team and universities that appropriate the cultures of Native Americans.
“Appropriating the Black Lives Matter movement was definitely a misstep in our campaign to sell sugar water, but appropriating Native Americans’ entire culture seems like a no-brainer,” said copywriter James Smith, who doctors have confirmed has no brain. “For starters, it's tried and tested. Look at all the people that still put on headdress full of feathers ignoring the atrocious history of white settlers manifesting their tiny, dangling destinies by committing cultural genocide. To me, that says big bucks and big Pepsi!”
Part of the criticism has been aimed at Kendall Jenner for her willingness to partake in an ad that has her, a white, wealthy Kardashian off-shoot, leading a group of diverse individuals who were protesting long before she decided to take a break from strenuous modeling. This backlash has not gone unnoticed by the Pepsi company, who will avoid making Jenner the unrequested leader of their new ad campaign by instead dressing her as a glittery Sacagawea leading Lewis and Clark to the nearest Pepsi-sponsored vending machine. Other ideas that were thrown around in Pepsi’s headquarters were having Jenner as Pocahontas bringing her tribe and the colonizers together by passing a “Peace Pepsi,” and another where she is presented as Sitting Bull envisioning that drinking Pepsi can turn the Battle of Little Bighorn into the Rager of Little Bighorn.
“I honestly cannot believe that Pepsi would put me in this position,” said Jenner, deleting promotional posts for the campaign from her Instagram while perched atop a supermarket-style throne of Mountain Dew Whiteout 24-packs. “It’s not like I’m a grown woman who signed a contract and consciously agreed to be in a campaign that drowns the modern-day Civil Rights movement in sweet, liquid caffeine.”
Kris Jenner, on the set of the campaign’s second ad spot, featuring her daughter and water protectors filling the Dakota Access Pipeline with Pepsi, was supportive as always. “Kendall, you’re doing amazing, sweetie!”