Surrounded by her crew of fifty people hired to do nothing except bolster her image as a trophy wife, relatable First Lady Melania Trump posed for Vanity Fair Mexico alongside a bowl of lavish jewels entangled like spaghetti in her fork. The down-to-Earth doormat whose motto when it comes to her husband’s views is “smile and wave boys, smile and wave,” performed an act of pure domesticity to prove that she really is just like us. The billionaire First Lady plucked a strand of jewels from the pot and threw it against the wall to test if it was done yet, shocking on-set crew and bystanders alike, who were in awe of this humble and modest act.
“Wow, she really IS just like me,” Said on-set makeup artist Patricia Breckert. “Seeing a first lady who’s not afraid to work in the kitchen AND blindly ignore the struggles of women and immigrants just like herself is what makes me really respect her.” Breckert continued to praise the First Lady as she shared a Tomi Lahren video with the caption “brains and beauty” along with her daughters’ Odyssey article about how hating foreigners does NOT make her racist.
A teary-eyed first generation American who also witnessed this beautiful act shared the pride she felt toward Melania. “The whole point of this photo was to appeal to the ordinary American. It was a strategic move on the producers’ part to have her eating a bowl of jewels like spaghetti, because spaghetti is the blue collar worker of the pasta dishes and it reminds me of my warm, nurturing Italian mother who voted for Donald Trump. I guess her white privilege has made her forget what it’s like to be an outsider in this country!” beamed production assistant Melissa Bianchi. “To be honest, I never thought I’d see someone of that kind of celebrity status do anything in the kitchen, I mean, she has drivers and bidets - she doesn’t even have to wipe her own ass. That’s an aspiration I think every immigrant who also has to worry about their safety, job discrimination and their children’s access to education can relate to.”
Melania further combated rumors of her insincerity, “I’m not the aloof woman everyone thinks I am. I am strong and confident,” Melania stated, reading verbatim from cue cards and grating diamonds atop her bowl of al dente pure gold necklaces for garnish - a low-calorie alternative to parmesan. “I could say no to all of the wardrobe, hair, makeup and jewelry and use that money to feed half of the world, but I’d rather just ironically pose for the magazine of a country my husband has repeatedly insulted and blamed for the oppression of the white middle-class.”
Image credit: Vanity Fair Mexico