Cumulus Cloud Bullied by Cooler and Better-Named Altostratus Cloud

Cumulus Cloud Bullied by Cooler and Better-Named Altostratus Cloud

Just as the cracks in the Arctic shelf and the depletion of the ozone layer can very fucking obviously be attributed to the fault of humans, attitude problems in nature can apparently be attributed to the folly of man. As tension in the cloud community rises in a battle for who humans think is cuter, Altostratus Cloud has taken bullying to the next level (the stratosphere, that is).

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Trump Announces That Syria Will Pay for the Missiles

Trump Announces That Syria Will Pay for the Missiles

Maintaining his reputation as a callously Dickensian cheapskate even in the face of tragic humanity, President Trump announced on Tuesday that Syria would pay for the 59 Tomahawk missiles fired at Shayrat airfield last week. The invoice, which Trump mailed personally, asks for “eight Mar-a-Lagos worth of  money” to be paid in full immediately to offset the million-dollar-each catalysts for another expensive and aimless war.

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Compromise! President Offers Free Trump Steaks to All Detainees If Ban Reinstated

Compromise! President Offers Free Trump Steaks to All Detainees If Ban Reinstated

Noting record-low approval ratings, the President’s increasing hesitation to actually do the work required to run the government and the President’s decreasing hesitation to use the most important global position of power to benefit himself, the White House has announced that a compromise deal is in the works. 

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