Still wondering where to go for Spring Break? Here’s our list of places you MUST see before they are destroyed by our own hubris.
1. New Orleans, Louisiana
If there’s anything that’s been made abundantly clear, the United States does not learn from its mistakes. Even though Hurricane Katrina revealed the weaknesses in levee engineering and construction, the new levees are still awful. Hurry before hurricane season starts again!
2. Literally anywhere in Florida
Say goodbye to the “I Live Where You Vacation” hashtag, along with your home, childhood memories and hopefully Rick Scott while you still can.
3. Honolulu, Hawaii
Who would have thought small tropical islands would be the first to succumb to rising sea levels?
4. Great Barrier Reef
Calcium: great for your bones, bad for biodiversity and important ocean ecosystems! At least there will still be kangaroos and deadly spiders. (‘:
5. Venice, Italy
Venice is already flooded 24/7 and rising sea levels are only going to degrade its infrastructure even more. Just keep your hands and feet inside your gondola for the duration of your trip.
6. New York, New York
I guess we just weren’t satisfied with the degradation of the actual jungle, so now we’re targeting the concrete jungle.
America might actually be better off if Texas just disappeared, but there’s something about dead crickets and the scent of rotting flesh that’s very ominous. Donald Trump’s wall isn’t going to be big enough to stop devastating hurricanes and droughts.
But hey, if you don’t have the budget to travel this Spring Break, tanning bed tax has been scrapped along with the rest of the ACA! Get all the UV radiation without the extra cost, and probably without adequate health care coverage under the ACHA! What a deal!