A 12 o’clock game day means starting out strong with mimosas and frat-hopping and finishing weak with a good old bush-vomit and being drenched in your own sweat. Luckily, we’ve been there. It may seem like the clothes you wore while The Sun peed golden sunshine all over you are goners but there’s actually a lot to be done with the sweat you wring out of ‘em Saturday night after you realize that there’s no fucking way you’re making it to Coliseum.
1. Spa day!
Um, can you say mani/pedis with the girls? Soaking your hands and feet in game day sweat is a great way to start any classic spa day. Between you and your friends, you should definitely have a good amount of smelly, smelly sweat to get at least two or three good soaks in before your dry, cracked hands and feet soak up all that sweat soup.
2. Drink it
The thirst is real! After a few drinks, you’ll be begging for something refreshing that doesn’t involve alcohol - what better than your own stale human juice? Bonus: sweat pulp is filled with antioxidants!
3. Baptize a child, any child!
This one is a totally simple trick you can go back to again and again after every miserable afternoon game. Find your standard sized baptism bucket and wring your passes-for-garnet tee right into that. Let it sit for about fifteen minutes so the Lord can bless it and then find yourself a baby! It doesn’t matter what baby, any soft-skinned baldie will do. Dunk that sucker right in and recite the lyrics to the least misogynist Eminem song you can think of. Sweat also makes a great substitute for “the blood of Christ” when performing holy communion!
4. Mail it to a friend in need
Not everyone can be as lucky as FSU football fans. Many would kill for a chance to bathe in a fan’s sweat. That is, someone who chose to stand in in the heat hours while screaming “oh” at various notes, all to see their favorite group of exploited college athletes defeat another group of exploited college athletes. All around the world people have it much worse off than you do so remember to be generous when deciding what to do with that leftover stanky syrup!
So many options with this one. The good ole bucket-over-the-door trick or maybe the soaking your friend’s hand in it while they sleep are all great pranks. Hijinks are a fun way to not let your sweat go unused. You’ll be the comedy legend of the friend group if you get someone good with this DIY tip!
6. Present for little
Big little reveal is coming up and we have got you covered. Any good sorority sister knows the way to a little’s heart is through a beautifully decorated canvas. Why not make it extra personal by using your own sweat to paint that perfect, pungent Audrey Hepburn quote? Add a little bit of food coloring to it and...bam! It’s just like watercolor, only more avant-garde.