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5 Reasons Why FSU Football Is In Her Flop Era
5 Reasons Why FSU Football Is In Her Flop Era

In recent but unsurprising news, nearly every scheduled football game at Florida State University has been postponed or canceled under ominous circumstances.

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The Eggplant FSUDecember 1, 2020
President Thrasher’s 350k Bonus To Be Spent on Facelift From Dr. Miami
President Thrasher’s 350k Bonus To Be Spent on Facelift From Dr. Miami

It was announced on Friday that FSU’s Board of Trustees has voted in favor of giving President John Thrasher a $350,000 bonus for the 2018-2019 school year.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 24, 2020
Canvas Two-Factor Verification To Accept Your Old Poptropica Password
Canvas Two-Factor Verification To Accept Your Old Poptropica Password

As if any FSU students needed additional stressors to accessing Canvas beyond the prospect of seeing their grades, FSU has introduced two-factor verification.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 19, 2020
Norvell Ecstatic That Biden Win Distracted Seminole Boosters From Blowout Loss to Pitts
Norvell Ecstatic That Biden Win Distracted Seminole Boosters From Blowout Loss to Pitts

For the first time in seven years, and the second time as ACC opponents, Florida State faced off with the University of Pittsburgh.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 9, 2020
A Look Into UCC Counselor Training
A Look Into UCC Counselor Training

Before starting any job, employees must be trained.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 6, 2020
WVFS To Host Jack Denton’s New Radio Show, “Crybaby Court”
WVFS To Host Jack Denton’s New Radio Show, “Crybaby Court”

In a shocking turn of events for absolutely no one, FSU’s SGA Senate President Jack Denton has taken yet another step in avoiding any possible consequences for his actions by moving to the FSU Supreme Court to argue for his reinstatement.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 2, 2020
FSU Homecoming Announces Charli D’Amelio as Warchant Headliner
FSU Homecoming Announces Charli D’Amelio as Warchant Headliner

There are very few things that are keeping students afloat at this point in the semester.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 30, 2020
CDU Organizes Sustainably Sourced Jewelry-Making Event After Public Melting of Bobby Bowden Statue
CDU Organizes Sustainably Sourced Jewelry-Making Event After Public Melting of Bobby Bowden Statue

Another day, another glorious event put on by everyone’s favorite Doc Martens-wearing student organization, Club Downunder.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 28, 2020
Flying High Circus Halloween Show Cancelled Due To Hazmat Suit Complications
Flying High Circus Halloween Show Cancelled Due To Hazmat Suit Complications

One of Florida State’s most coveted Talloween activities for those that are either still freshmen or have parents who peaked at FSU visiting is the Flying High Circus’ Annual Halloween Show Series.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 22, 2020
FSU Football Not Really Sure How They Did That Either
FSU Football Not Really Sure How They Did That Either

Upon first hearing that our football team won, a lot of fans were rightfully confused.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 19, 2020
Westcott Fountain Begs Birthday Jumpers To Please Take a Shower First
Westcott Fountain Begs Birthday Jumpers To Please Take a Shower First

Well, folks, it’s Libra season. Even if you aren’t a coven-bound astrologist, we all know what that means.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 16, 2020
Breaking: Jack Denton Offered Thrasher’s Job in Case Settlement Because Judge “Feels Bad for Him”
Breaking: Jack Denton Offered Thrasher’s Job in Case Settlement Because Judge “Feels Bad for Him”

FSU continues to surprise students with their recent announcements and rulings these past few weeks.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 14, 2020
FSU Begs Students to “Cancel” Talloween This Year
FSU Begs Students to “Cancel” Talloween This Year

If you are someone who regularly reads the news in Tallahassee, you might have noticed how FSU seems to be flying by the seat of their large clown pants.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 9, 2020
A Troubling Look Into an R.A.’s Single Dorm
A Troubling Look Into an R.A.’s Single Dorm

Everybody knows that Resident Assistants are the coolest people in the dorms.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 2, 2020
Seminole Dining Absolutely Thrilled Top Symptom of COVID Is Loss of Taste and Smell
Seminole Dining Absolutely Thrilled Top Symptom of COVID Is Loss of Taste and Smell

While everything about our lives has changed (no more parties, in-person classes, or social events), some things have comfortingly stayed the same.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 30, 2020
“We’re Very Lonely,” Union Construction Workers Claim No One Has Talked To Them in Months
“We’re Very Lonely,” Union Construction Workers Claim No One Has Talked To Them in Months

At this point in the extended construction timeline of the new FSU Student Union, we’re coming up on three entire generations without access to free bowling and below ground concerts.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 25, 2020
FSU and UM to Face-off at First-Ever COVID Hotspot Bowl
FSU and UM to Face-off at First-Ever COVID Hotspot Bowl

There’s nothing quite like making student athletes play despite their head coach being down for the count or the pandemic that is--news flash--still going on.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 24, 2020
Mike Norvell Avoiding Eye Contact With Thrasher Following COVID Results Announcement
Mike Norvell Avoiding Eye Contact With Thrasher Following COVID Results Announcement

In the “no *you’re* wrong” shitshow that is 2020, most people can agree that COVID is testing a lot of traditional relationships.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 22, 2020
BREAKING: FSU Board of Trustees Announce Thrasher Replacement: Lake Ella Geese
BREAKING: FSU Board of Trustees Announce Thrasher Replacement: Lake Ella Geese

In a fashion that felt like a one-paragraph break-up text at 3 A.M., Daddy Thrasher announced his sweet release from this COVID-infected hellscape.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 18, 2020
Did the Union Gas Leak Turn the Campus Cats Gay?
Did the Union Gas Leak Turn the Campus Cats Gay?

On top of all their recent crimes, FSU has once again postponed the construction of the new union in hopes of opening in time for the class of 2048’s freshman year.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 17, 2020
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