As your Aunt Linda probably says, “It's almost Turkey Day!” That means if you live south of Tallahassee, you most likely have to drive past that god forsaken hell hole some people call Gainesville.
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A new study has found that, despite being so far up their own university’s ass that they can see out the mouth, UF students still prefer to spend their weekends in Tallahassee.
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Despite my initial warning, CNN has chosen to go through with its broadcast of an abomination entitled The Hunting Ground.
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Each year, freshmen enter college with deep, burning questions: what does homecoming mean now? What’s the theme? Is there still going to be a dry hump-fest in the gymnasium?
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Despite overarching, seemingly obvious evidence that granting people more access to firearms increases the chance of being shot, as well as a less-than-year-old shooting on the FSU campus, the Florida Senate and House of Representatives are well on their way to voting in favor of HB 4001, more cutely known as campus carry.
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Finishing up perhaps the largest clusterfuck of weekend activities, many Florida State students are treating today as a metaphorical crossing of the finish line to mark their successful completion of Parents’/Halloween Weekend.
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FSU’s Homecoming week is quickly approaching, and with it of course comes the largely anticipated Pow Wow celebration in the civic center.
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Dear Card Swipe Reader, Let me start off by saying I know it’s your job to protect me and the other people I share this hall with. But how dare you?
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How do you do, students? It is me, your fearless leader, President John Thrasher. I took part in the strangest, most wonderful event at the Student Life Cinema late Saturday night. A film that I had heard much about ever since watching that adorable Wallflower movie with my granddaughter was showing at midnight: The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
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Noting the failures of previous sexual violence prevention campaigns such as “FSU Men Measure Up,” Florida State University has decided to take its campaign efforts to a whole new level.
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Following shocking reports that a group largely made up of people who have been handed everything for most of their lives doesn’t know how to handle $13 million worth of students’ money, FSU SGA has decided to replace its Senate branch with some plants, some babies and two reptiles.
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Following FSU’s recent crime alert, the ghosts of Florida State announced that they would no longer be haunting the campus or allowing for orientation ghost tours, as they fear for their after-lives.
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A new study conducted by sophomore Alex Golden found that even though Julie is pulling some straight bullshit with that new profile picture of her and some guy she met over the summer, the psychology building is still colder than her black hole of a heart.
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Jerry Schwartz was the biggest fan of his high school football team, and his decision to come to Florida State was largely impacted by his desire to attend a school with a great football program.
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Early this morning, Wake Forest Police Department officials reported a dead lamb found on the football team’s practice field. Though they have yet to release any named suspects, a source at Wake Forest has said Florida State punter Cason Beatty was seen attempting to coax a lamb out of a local farm last night with a bottle of black-market sheep breast milk and a can of creamed corn.
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Upon finding out that her “Ancient Greek Debates” course does not derive all of its readings from sorority-run “news” site “The Odyssey,” junior Stacey Linen reports feeling “so attacked right now.”
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Determined to start their college years off right, members of class of 2019 are hitting the Strip and bumping and grinding on each other every chance they get. Unfortunately, it’s not all as magical as it sounds.
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In the wake of Apple’s latest announcement of slightly-worse but just-as-expensive versions of technology that Microsoft released several years ago, sophomore marketing major Josh Williams has boldly predicted that the Apple brand will become obsolete in the next few years.
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Boston College started this week with a chip on their shoulder leading up to Friday’s game against Florida State, knowing that win or lose, the Jesuit college would still have the head of the Catholic Church on their side. Unfortunately for them, Pope Francis announced this morning that while he does believe in climate change, he does not believe in the Eagles’ ability to beat Florida State.
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It’s been three weeks since their fall opening, and Strozier Starbucks has struggled to keep up with the amount of students who choose to complement their overpriced tuition with overpriced coffee. The cafe is feeling confident after receiving their weekly shipment of three cups, a single napkin, and one already opened packet of honey, a day early.
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