Last Chance! Campus Chili’s Glory Hole Closing for Semester This Friday

Last Chance! Campus Chili’s Glory Hole Closing for Semester This Friday

As finals week rapidly approaches, students are taking advantage of the several stress-relieving amenities Florida State has to offer. Many will be sunbathing on Landis, some will be heading over to the Leach and others will be making their way over to Chili’s for casual dining featuring subpar Tex-Mex cuisine and a prominently located glory hole.

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This Guy Fucks: Student Never Asks Starbucks Employee for Room for Cream in His Coffee

This Guy Fucks: Student Never Asks Starbucks Employee for Room for Cream in His Coffee

Whoa, watch out for Josh! Florida State sophomore Joshua Rooney visits the Dirac Starbucks every morning, but unlike the other lonely virgins that congregate at this caffeine source before their 9:30 classes, he’s confident enough to shake his head back and forth when the barista asks if he wants room in his coffee for cream. Wow, this guy fucks!

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Thrasher Passes Bill Allowing University to Discriminate Based on if You’re a Fuckin’ Nerd!!!

Thrasher Passes Bill Allowing University to Discriminate Based on if You’re a Fuckin’ Nerd!!!

Following Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant (R) signing a bill into law legalizing discrimination against the LBGTQ+ community, FSU President John Thrasher has jumped on the bandwagon of bigotry and signed his own bill into law, effective immediately: Florida State University employees may now discriminate based on whether they think you’re a fuckin’ nerd.

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A Goodbye Letter From the Co-Founder of the Eggplant Aubrey Burrough

A Goodbye Letter From the Co-Founder of the Eggplant Aubrey Burrough

Dearest friends, followers, hate-readers, super intelligent dogs and my parents probably, My name is Aubrey Burrough and I regret to inform you that today, April 1st 2016, is my last official day as editor-in-chief of the Eggplant….APRIL FOOLS. Haha psych! April Fools again, it totally is my last day.

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Where Do We Go From Here? How To Move Forward After Calling Your Professor ‘Daddy’

Where Do We Go From Here? How To Move Forward After Calling Your Professor ‘Daddy’

After a string of recent incidents across campus, students have put together an entry-level colloquium for students who at any point during their college career have called their professor ‘daddy’ and are desperate to learn where the relationship goes from here.

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